no matter where i will go

Since living in Chicago, I've developed a bit of a sensitivity to the seasons. This is place that experiences such pronounced mood swings, in the form of ever-changing snow and rain and clouds. The sunlight has to be just right in order for me to read certain books or listen to certain songs. And lately the sun has been straining to peek out from behind winter's clouds, and along with it, comes some new inspirations I'm really excited about.

Lately I've been listening to more folksy music too. Shoegaze will always be love, but I'm enjoying the process of expanding my taste towards dreamy jams with minimal effects-y guitars. Weyes Blood and Marissa Nadler have both been on constant rotation on my record player. Their music is evocative of forests and the way the light filters through the leaves of trees. And also of northern California which I once visited, and its gently rolling hills and craggy beaches with redwoods growing out of rocks and furious sunsets that bathes your skin in an orange aura.

And as far as style goes, I think for the moment I want to focus on pieces. At least for dressy, transformative wear. This spring I'm craving embellishments like sequins and florals, but also delicate details like lace and the tiniest ruffles. I've settled into a silhouette of long, flowing things that graze the ground but would like to take this idea further - by incorporating it into a context. Like I'm totally feeling 70s woodland faeries, with a little Edwardian prairie in the mix, balanced by the medieval hardness of Game of Thrones. The Mulleavy sisters said they weren't inspired by Game of Thrones for their Spring 2013 collection, but that dragon earring is exactly Targaryen. I enjoy this idea of mashing together lots of different eras until they all kind of blur together - history is a continuum and when we look back, it all kind of folds into itself.

Elle Magazine, 1975

Meadham Kirchhoff Fall 2013 by Eleanor Hardwick for Rookie Mag

Biyan Spring 2013 lookbook

Rodarte Spring 2013 Cedric Bihr for 25 Magazine

Ellen Von Unwerth, Lula #15

Alice Boughton, 1910

Valentino Spring 2013 campaign by Sarah Moon

unknown

Angelica Houston by Eve Arnold

Saint Laurent by Richard Bush for i-D Pre-Spring 2013

Signe Vilstrup for Treats! Magazine #3


I made this mix last month and it so perfectly captures where my brain is at. As spring progresses into summer, I hope you all are enjoying the coming months. Blessed be.

next year's met gala, right? RIGHT?

So Monday was the Met Ball, which was "punk" "themed", because THE MOST punk thing that ever possibly exist is a party for rich people at $30,000 per person, right? Because it isn't like punk was/still is an independent scene that gives people a sense of community and belonging. Never mind the fact that the only thing less punk that the Met Ball is a bunch of old dudes eating chicken alfredo at a suburban country club. The Met Costume Ball this year was a chance for obscenely rich people to indulge in their inner punk, and gosh, they certainly UPPED THE PUNX. Was that Kim Kardashian with giant Xs on her hands? And did you hear about how Giovanna Battaglia hosted the after party at her DIY basement space? Will anything possibly compare to Marc Jacobs and Grace Coddington picking up pennies in the mosh pit?

Well don't worry, because I've already figured out what next year's Met Bell theme should be. In honor of the many music and fashion achievements of Kate Bush - excuse me, Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire Kate Bush - I propose that the next Met Ball should be themed after our Lord Lady Lionheart. With an accompanying exhibit of Kate's finest style moments, from the ghostly "Wuthering Heights" dress to her extensive spandex dancewear collection. THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES! Maybe the Olson Twins will re-enact "Babooshka". Taylor Swift will speak only in whale songs. And luckily Kate Bush's lewks are so iconic that the Met Ball guests wouldn't even have to try that hard to stay on theme! Here, I've picked out effortless options for some of this years' Met attendees, saving them the exhaustive trouble of FITTINGS WITH DESIGNERS.

Florence Welch is simply ravishing as she channels Kate's leotard moment! The dog days may be over, but the Hounds of Love days will last forever~*~*

Anna Wintour is a Secret Weirdo and probably thrashes around on a bass guitar while crying tears of acid. Kind of like that scene in "Bring It On" when Aaron the Obvious Punk Rocker thinks Torrance isn't creepily stalking him as he exuberantly jams in his room. Anna, we know. We are all Torrence.

Hi Karlie! Looking pretty fly in Kate Bush's quilted bell-shaped ensemble! This heavenly robe situation is perfect for those cloudbursting days, and someeeeething makes me think that Karlie has a lot of them.

Obviously Miley Cyrus and her Guy Fieri Hair would be right at home as the Babooshka. Especially considering Miley's awesomely sexxxie shoot for V Magazine, she might really enjoy the studded bra and striped balloon shirt combo. Babooshka may be made in the UK but she can't be tamed. WON'T BE TAMED.

i'm not the three-eyed crow but i am trying

(girl. by Band of Outsiders dress, vintage necklace, Miu Miu dragonfly shoes)

Winter is finally over.
It's been a long seven months. Only now, in mid-May, are the trees on my block finally beginning to bloom, like birds stretching their wings. My wings are stretching too. I think of Being Okay not as some sort of idyllic emotional place, but more of a state of being that people come in and out of from time to time. The dividing line between feeling satisfactory and feeling, well, not, can often be a slope that descends so slowly - and before you realize it, you're in the depths of valley and the walls are too high for you to see beyond. It is a valley of dread, but it becomes a comforting place the longer you stay  in there. Only occasionally will you catch a glimpse of the sky, but sometimes that momentary glance is enough to drag you out of the dust, or at least give you a minute to consider it.

Learning to be okay is like learning how to walk all over again, except it is a process that never stops.  We are all crawling babies taking our very first steps. At no point is anyone exempted from all of the things that make them hurt - you just learn to manage them, like a Jenga tower, stuck in a precarious balance with occasional jilts. I have learned that part of growing up is learning how to live with yourself. That is, accepting yourself for the flaws that you have and constructing your life in such a way that your flaws don't get in the way too much. And when they do, being candid enough to admit that something's gotta give.

If any of you are going through a similar journey, know that you aren't alone. And that you will get there, someday but it may take a while, and your travels will be just as illuminating as the destination. You cannot fly - you must stumble, painfully, and feel the weight of every single fall, because getting back up is an act of conquering. Kathleen Hannah once said that sometimes the most activism you can is to wake up that morning. Waking up each morning leads to a day that you live, and eventually an entire life. Good luck. ♥

and her eyes were painted gold

Last Saturday I got to see a band I've been waiting a few years to see. As it turns out, the wait was entirely worth it. I've been listening to their new album by The Besnard Lakes, Until in Excess, Imperceptible UFO, for entire days, never tiring of it. Each song demands your distinct attention. There's layers upon layers of harmonies and ensemble vocals orchestrated with the finesse of Brian Williams, sustained shoegaze guitars that cocoon you, and pop sensibilities that shine through the melancholic psychedelia - if you look for it. The Besnard Lakes have always required active listening, but the true genius of this album are the small details you hear only with repeated, engaged exposure. As for seeing them live I can only draw one comparison, and that is to Blonde Redhead. This is a band comprised mostly of older musicians who in time have become so technically proficient with their instruments, that their songs are performed as effortlessly perfect as they'll ever played. I was struck by how cohesive the band sounded. The kind of cohesiveness, tightness that comes from watching experts do what they do best. I was blissfully lost in their noise.

The Besnard Lakes - "People of the Sticks"

(American Apparel mesh long sleeve, Mandy Coon leather top, necklace from a botánica, Risto skirt gifted from Mattie, Rodarte jacket)

The Besnard Lakes' music reminds me of faraway places that one existed, but maybe don't anymore, and the longing that comes with that. I like to think of their music as the soundtrack to hazy memories of details. Not quite entire situations, but things like... the precise smell of a person who once laid beside you. So I decided to dress in nonrepresentational patterns with just a liiiittle hint of optimism as a way to capture their sound in my outfit.

Sometimes there's magical moments when what seems like ephemera ends up becoming two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. I feel that way about this Risto skirt and my Rodarte jacket, and not just because a long skirt begs for a cropped top! The jacket was a one-in-a-lifetime ebay find. It's a size too small and I can barely lift my arms higher than a 90 degree angle, but it has my heart. In some other universe, this jacket and this skirt were always meant to exist together - when worn together they take on this awesome symbiotic relationship.

Please listen to this album. You won't be disappointed. ♥