fade into you

Been completely wrapped up in real life lately, so many apologies for the spottiness of posts! For me, summer is a time to escape the confines of my walls, walls that I love, but walls that indeed keep me from smoothies and street fests and sidewalk brunch. So if more time goes by between posts, rest assured that it's because I am OUT!

Still, the walls that hold me require an infusion of some sort of myself, so I've hung my long dresses upon them. Mostly out of necessity, because my garment rack and closet are too low to prevent the hems from dusting the floor. But like glasses and my bangs, sometimes mundane chores born out of need grow on me, and soon I can't imagine my life without them.

(house of matching colours dress, venessa arizaga necklace, vintage dress from this ebay store)

(vintage dress, necklace from hot topic from when I was 16)

(house of matching colours dress, bat necklace gift from meadham kirchoff, risto bimbiloski petal dress)

some kind of sad

(rodarte skirt from yoox.com, mandy coon leather top, jil sander shoes from jane)

Summer has arrived and it is high time indeed. Oh, how Chicago's winters can drag on and on, and leaving us aching for a spot of warmth and bit of sun. This ensemble was cooling and took me to brunch. I am enjoying exploring my new neighborhood; taking in a matinee at the resplendent Logan Theater or eating charming rustic cuisine at Longman & Eagle (located conveniently around the corner from my apartment), or even just stumbling around amongst hidden bookstores and art spaces. This neighborhood fills me a sense of home that I have always ached for. Maybe that's one reason I love this skirt so much; with its cerulean vase print, it too, feels like home.

Quite possibly the most beautiful shoes I own, and walkable now that excellent brunch spots are just across the street.

Subtle leather fringe on the back of my leather top, brooding, quiet moodiness, and a compelling detail.

there's a ghost in me who wants to say i'm sorry

galliano fall 2009/ grimes/ miu miu dream shoes, season unknown (plz identify!)/ givenchy couture spring 2012/ house of matching colours by paula selby avellaneda/ rodarte fall 2010 shoes from the coveteur/langoliers nyc saturday necklace/ ever after/ rodarte fall 2010 by autumn de wilde/ givenchy spring 2011 couture by tim walker/ miu miu fall 2011 shoes from GARAGE STOPS/ tim walker/ miu miu 1997/ cocteau twins sunburst and snowblind EP

I've been wearing black since I was...well, 15, so for well over 10 years now I've been attached to this notion that wearing black is the only way to express the darker side of things. But like I mentioned in my last post, lately I am overcome with this idea of the color white as a portal to the esoteric side of life. Something about its traditional notions of virginity and untaintedness has a unique resonance with me; in that is so reflective of the ugliness of racism and sexism and heteronormativity. And a part of myself obtains power not in reclamation, but in dissonance; that is, taking hurtful paradigms and using them against itself. It is an approach that served me well as a survivor of things (things that maybe I'll talk about one day, but not today), and one that I want to apply to the way I dress. There are terrible realities and subtleties that pervade our everyday life, and those things that we regard as a beautiful exist only within the confines of our own human corrosiveness. I want to use the color white as a blank slate upon which to project those evil things. Heaven couldn't exist without hell.

stuck in my angelhood

What follows, my friends, is but a brief snapshot into my Saturday night, first beginning with sobriety, and ending with my brain swimming in a sea of vodka. Ahem, I meant Stoli Vanil and tonic. Late Bar has a really rad new wave night every Saturday and people dance. It's unpretentious, always packed, and never douchey. Most new wave nights typically only play the same 3 songs (Bizarre Love Triangle, Blue Monday, and Just Can't Get Enough) and while I did hear those 3 songs, I also heard other tiny little gems from the genre. Definitely one of my favorite dance parties in Chicago.

(thrifted dress, vintage nightie worn as a jacket, venessa arizaga necklace, rodarte shoes)

Lately I'm really fascinated by this idea of dressing spooky without wearing black. Or at least, not wearing all black. I think that wearing white can be just as eerie as an all-black ensemble when paired with the proper sense of brooding. I wasn't filled with that sense of brooding here because I was in OMG GOING OUT mode, but this is something I am curious about working on. Mostly I just wanted to feel ghostly, and put that ghostliness within the confines of stuffy Victorian fashion and the moods of the Cocteau Twins.

Orange blush (Excite by Illamasqua) on the eyelids and lower waterline help take the outfit out of cupcakeland and into Head Over Heels.

My beloved Venessa Arizaga necklace that I bought specifically because it reminds me of A Storm in Heaven...right down to the colors and the stars.

Aaaand here is leaving the house realness with Risto trench and thrifted bag. Rodarte shoes mean that we took a cab to the bar. Note the wide-eyed soberface!

Post-dance, messy hair, stumbled home, took this photo. At some point during the night I felt the need to wear my nightie down so I could swish the fabric around while I danced. The sort of thing I'd only do after a few drinks! Kind of wonder how silly I looked while twirling around in a giant sheer nightie. As you can see, I changed into my flats about 6/8 of the way into the night. Sometimes I can't take the heat. Oh well, *~YOLO~*

claudia and i

Um. How do I say this...without sounding like a complete asshole...? Sigh. Well, a few weeks ago I posted about how cute I thought the bat necklace was from Meadham Kirchhoff's Fall 2012 collection. And, ahem, um, Meadham Kirchoff saw the post...and offered to send it to me. Apparently it's "just some junky thing they found for the show" and was used in the show, and it came wrapped in rainbows and stickers and heavily scented packaging. This happened. To me. I'm still very much in shock about it. I am not some ~famous blogger with loads of readers and connections, so getting sent something as special as this necklace means so much to me because there are no ulterior motives behind it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Meadham Kirchhoff!

Worn with my vintage Claudia the Vampire dress. Maybe it's a little obtuse that I wore this outfit out simply to have coffee with Jackie (who is in a really rad band called Mahogany that you should listen to). But I'd been listening to Anna Calvi all day and was feeling especially romantic and morose, and chose to project those feelings externally.

Winged necklace, winged Miu Miu shoes. It made sense to me at the time.

tchochke's? chili's? flinger's?

Getting settled into my apartment. After spending my late teens and early twenties in some serious shitslums, I am still getting used to the fact that I live in a lovely apartment that is spacious enough to decorate and acquire furniture. My latest project is decorating my home to resemble an Americana suburban chain restaurant. In other words, I've been scouring the depths of cragislist and Chicago's antique stores for weird shit to tack up onto my walls. The weirder the better! My boyfriend and I are really committed to having an apartment furnished almost entirely by secondhand things.

INTENSE EXCITEMENT!!! was purchased at the Edgewater Antique Mall and frankly, is one of the most bizarre home decor things I have ever seen. I would love to know the creative process that went into designing this thing. So many questions! Why is this trollfaced man so INTENSELY EXCITED!!!? Why is he wearing a top hat? INTENSE EXCITEMENT!!! is even more strange since we've put in the bathroom. Use your imagination.

Bambi was found at Wooly Mammoth, a taxidermy heaven in Andersonville. These old cartoony animal figurine/wall things were really popular in the 60s I think. I want to collect a bunch of them and have a Disneyish menagerie of hypercute animals.

Jesus walks! Our Savior was also found at the Edgewater Antique Mall and came with the frame. Religious iconography and Catholica are a huge part of my childhood and my love of its reverence has never left me, even if my beliefs have. And also it is incredibly fascinating to me how a single image can hold much power, especially an image of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed white man. Jesus most certainly was not white, yet our culture's most enduring depiction of Him is that of our most privileged. Kind of really exemplifies the notion that whiteness is held up as our cultura ideal.

This amazing vintage vanity was salvaged for next to nothing from a going out of business sale. I LOVE THIS THING. I've divided up my treasured possessions by g0thic and cutesy, both sides of my personality that hold equal weight and measure, even if the g0thic side is the one that wins out aesthetically more often than not.

My beloved Living Dead Doll that I got from Hot Topic when I was 16 or 17. She is my style icon and has followed me everywhere from my teenage bedroom, to my mice-infested studio (which YES IT IS as terrifying as it sounds), to my first grown-up apartment that I live in today. Santa Clara candle, Jil Sander apocalypse shoes that I bought from Jane, Showerbeers zine.

Jewelry stand with some gifts from Eleven Objects, notes from my friends (luv u Morgan), my blood-stained Alexander McQueen skull scarf.

Notes and cards from friends, 24 Hour Party People flyer from when I saw it at the Music Box Theater, Teen Witch magazine, my favorite buttons. Photos of my best friend Annie that I took (on film!!!) when we were both 19. Thinking about how much I luv her makes me misty sometimes. She is a social worker with the an incredibly profound sense of social justice and desire to make the world a better place. She is my biggest inspiration in life.

Lady Sheffield, also from the Edgewater Antique Mall. I've always been enthralled by the Victorian era from both an aesthetics perspective, and a sociological perspective as the time period that was extraordinarily culturally regressive. Maybe it's the sub in me that is fascinated by restrictiveness of female sexuality. And the Victorian era seemed to exemplify that in a particularly ornate manner. Bulky hats and dresses and corsets, all designed to subdue as well as entice. I want to collect a wall full of these of Victorian lady mini-wall prints for my room.

stop your crying.

(vintage dress from sisters of the black moon, rodarte x oc jacket, old tights, madewell boots, thrifted bag)

Whenever I go to shows, I try to capture the mood of music in my outfits. It helps create an experience for me; instead of just being a passive participant, I become a much more active, engaged showgoer and feel like a part of performance and create associations between sound and physical object. And so last night, I wore my melting vintage dress to see Spiritualized at the Metro. I'd seen them once before at Pitchfork a couple years back, but seeing them indoors with spectacular lights and audio hall reverb and the best PA in the city was a completely different experience. I couldn't even compare the two. Their epic, 10 minute-long songs sounded were portals into a different dimension and several times I found myself blinking furiously, having just lost myself in pure blissful sound, feeling like I'd just downed a load of psilocybes. During "Hey Jane" I began giggling uncontrollably because the music was just so completely transcendental that my joy could only be expressed through laughter. And I hope I never become jaded - how colorless and dull would life be if art didn't affect my soul so strongly?