so that tonight i might see - rachel antonoff fall 2012

Rachel Antonoff's Fall 2012 collection was a whimsical reflection onto still foggy waters, dreams of yesterday but hopes of tomorrow. I feel in a position to say that because I did that once; I was 19 and living in Alaska and spent 12 hours (so half of my days, in fact) on a boat, oftentimes with nothing but my thoughts and Hope Sandoval's voice to guide me. That inky water, which one day I remember was still as ice but besotted with icebergs, formed a glassy marble which my daydreams of the future projected themselves upon me. Today, those still waters are my neutral zone, my "happy place" I guess, my blank nirvana through which I can go when in need of quiet reflection. It's not a sad memory! It's a lovely one and makes me smile when life's waters are choppy, and when I'm aching for stillness I can fade into that calm.

The entire collection felt like a mini-statement on the progression of life, or maybe I'm just reading it that way because it reminds me of my own life's crossroads. It began with innocent prints and childhood structures. Is it any coincidence that a model wore a Wild Things crown? Perhaps not. It progressed to cheeky strapless dresses and heart-shaped embellishments, signifying our culture's infatuation with extended adolescence, something that is exceedingly difficult to give up, though a secret of aging I've discovered is that no matter how old you grow you always feel like you're 16. In adulthood, which Antonoff was keen to represent through refined tailoring and collars and embellished evening dresses, you simply take on more responsibilities. But that feeling of awkwardness, of youthful wistfulness, doesn't die with age unless you let it happen. I for one, intend to keep that feeling alive within me as long as I can.

Mazzy Star - Fade Into You

The tender prints referenced innocent times, before progressing into more grown-up silhouettes.

Adolescence via exposed shoulders and literal/figurative sweetheart necklines.

The wispy autumnal prints were the perfect color injection into an otherwise nighttime color palette. Something about the sparse use of color in an understand twee manner kept the mood very brooding but also evoked a gentle smile. The coin pocket purse hinted at the beginnings of adult ripening. This is spookiness, but with wonder and knowing and an acceptance of growing up.

And finally the evening dresses, a small army of black that indicates the strength of adulthood...but never forgetting the sincerity and playfulness of younger years.

This model's look really resonated with me. Her icy stare and black n' blue dress with an embellished collar felt like the idealized version of adult myself - a projection of where I've been and where I could go, places I often felt myself wondering while daydreaming on the boat.

Real-life kitty acted as a Familiar and was a really exquisite way to tie the collection together. A symbol of the commonalities of life that follow you throughout life's ups and down and ins and outs, a totem of simpler days but a calming force in more treacherous ones. Also, cute kitty is cute. AND HE HAS A TWITTER.

Creeping on Tavi's beehive.